Coaching: “Beige Flag” and Reframing

You look up “beige flag” images in stock and you get coastal grandmother a la Nancy Meyers.

I was coaching a client earlier this week about her dating life and managing her food allergies. We spent a good portion of this session role-playing.

Role-play in coaching and applied improvisation exercises

Role-playing is an excellent technique in both coaching, in mental health interventions, and, as one might expect, frequently utilized in applied improvisation exercises. As my colleague Jude put it in her article on Medium.com: “imaginary situations are a safe way to explore real interpersonal dynamics.” 

In our role-play, we switched back and forth between playing versions of her and versions of men she’s met on dates and versions of men she is worried about meeting (ones that she’s concerned will shame her about having food allergies).

Role-playing in our safe space together gives her an opportunity to use the skills we’ve discussed, like calmly and neutrally responding to direct questions and pivoting to other topics when she doesn’t wish to further discuss her medical condition. 

As often as we explored this topic in the past, she continues to be concerned that potential dates will view her medical condition as a red flag or a deal breaker. And that may be true for a scant few dates, but not the majority, not hardly.

“Beige flags” and reframing in coaching and applied improvisation exercises

Reading this New York Times article recently made me think about this client and wonder: What if she reframed her medical condition, not as a red flag but as a beige flag; that is, a quirk but not a deal breaker to most romantic prospects?

Reframing is another cornerstone technique in coaching, in mental health interventions, and, as one might expect, frequently utilized in applied improvisation exercises.

Here’s an excellent quote in Psychology Today defining reframing: “Reframing requires seeing something in a new way, in a context that allows us to recognize and appreciate positive aspects of our situation.”

I showed my client the New York Times article and suggested that by reframing her food allergy needs as a beige not a red flag, she might feel more comfortable sharing it with strangers. 

She loved the idea and will try it out on her next few dates!

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Try this effective coaching technique of reframing with the applied improvisation exercise of “New Choice”

In direct client coaching, and in group settings, a great exercise that you can use with your team, your clients or just yourself is “New Choice.”  I love new choice as a game, as it forces you into an instant reframe of your reaction to any given situation. 

Here is a definition of the game from Improv Canada (with edits by me): Get two players up to perform a scene. (This game can also be done in a Zoom room.) At any point during the scene, the audience or a director can yell out, “New choice!” and the last offer that was made, whether verbal or physical, must be remade in a different way. It can be a slight variation on the original offer, or a completely different offer. “New choice” can be yelled out as many times as necessary until the audience or director are satisfied. You can also get specific by saying:  “New emotion!” “New physicality!” “New dialogue!” 

If you’re having a reaction to something, and you want to play with reframing that reaction, give yourself the option of making a new choice around that reaction and see what options come up for you.

If you try “new choice,” let me know in the comments!